


sweet talk

by chlexcer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ASMR AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Conversations, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Feelings Realization, Idiots in Love, Loneliness, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Phone Sex, implied voice kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:54:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chlexcer/pseuds/chlexcer
Summary: Yaku runs into Kuroo’s ASMR channel when he’s alone and restless in Russia, and it changes the way he feels about him.(Or, the one where Yaku realizes Kuroo himself is the connection he’s missed so much.)
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Yaku Morisuke
Comments: 18
Kudos: 193





	sweet talk

**Author's Note:**

> written for day 5 of kuroyaku week. the concept is: connection
> 
> hope you like it!

Yaku has never had trouble sleeping. _Never_.

For as long as he can remember, he’s always been able to fall asleep in seconds, and he usually has pretty nice dreams, too. Insomnia and nightmares have never been an issue for him. Sure, he’s had bad dreams every now and then, but only once every few months, and he usually forgets them the morning after.

He actually learned insomnia was a Thing because there was a time his mom couldn’t sleep and started cleaning the house at ass o’clock, and because his old teammate Kai, for as mellow and relaxed as he was, actually had so much trouble falling asleep he had to see several doctors about it when they were in high school.

Luckily, both his mom and Kai found treatments that worked for them, which is great, but still, the concept of insomnia was so _weird_ and foreign to Yaku at the time. Not being able to fall asleep? _How_?

It’s not like you have to do anything other than close your eyes and be in a minimally comfortable position; what can be so hard about it?

Well.

It’s a bit ironic to think about it right now, because now he’s alone in Ekaterinburg, Russia, and he can’t fall asleep.

He just — he just _can’t_ , and it’s the weirdest thing ever. He’s tired, heavens know he’s tired after training endless hours a day for the Russian volleyball league starting a month from now, but as beat as his muscles are, sleep still eludes him like clouds of mist, or grains of sand, or something poetic like that.

Yaku sighs, a loud and frustrated sound in his quiet room, and he tosses to the side, the side of his face pressed against the cool pillow.

He reaches for his phone on the nightstand, squints at the far-too-bright screen, and it nearly makes his blood boil when he sees it’s two thirty in the morning.

He has to get up in four hours if he wants to get to morning training on time, but he went to bed three and a half hours ago and he’s still there, _awake,_ alternating between staring at his eyelids and at the shadows of the curtains playing on the wall while he waits for sleep to claim him.

It’s really frustrating that it doesn’t, but even more frustrating that it’s not the first time that it fails to do so.

Last night it was the same thing, and the night before that, and the one before that as well. Actually, it’s been four nights since his first restless night, and Yaku’s already done. Seriously, he can’t believe there’s people who constantly deal with this.

The first time it happened, Yaku assumed it had to do with what he had to drink earlier that evening, when he went to some bar downtown to celebrate a teammate’s birthday. Whatever it was (something with a Russian name he couldn’t pick up), it had energy drink mixed in, and since he usually doesn’t go near caffeine past noon, it must’ve hit him hard and left him all hyper and restless well into the early morning.

It makes sense his usually perfect sleeping pattern was altered that night, but it’s been a while since then, and there is no energy drink left in his body now. Also, he’s partied before, had mysterious sugary drinks before, and stayed up late before, but it never affected his sleep the following days. So why now?

 _Why_ can’t he fall asleep?

He kicks his legs in frustration, sits up on his bed, and decides to take an aggressive approach to his problem.

He grabs his phone and goes straight to the browser after unlocking it, glaring at the screen.

 _‘how to fall asleep FAST?’_ he types.

There are hundreds of thousands of results, naturally, most of them from health websites and blogs, and skimming through them Yaku sees they all say similar stuff. Cool your room down, perform breathing exercises following a certain pattern, try melatonin, practice yoga and mindfulness, avoid naps —

They're not too helpful, honestly. They focus too much on creating the habit of sleep, and Yaku has that. Or at least he _had_ it. He just lost it for some reason, and now he wants to get it back, and he wants it _now_. 

The breathing exercises do seem like they could work, but when he tries them out it doesn’t go right.

He’s supposed to count in his head - breathe in for four seconds, hold his breath for seven, and breathe out for eight -, but it doesn’t help him relax at all. If anything, it stresses him out. It makes him hyper aware of his breathing, and it is weird and awful and very difficult to undo once it happens.

So, this is bad.

It’s like he’s so intent on falling asleep that he can’t think about anything other than that, and consciously trying to do something about it makes him even more aware and anxious about not sleeping. It’s like his brain is shoving him into a nasty spiral of irritation, overthinking, and some-but-not-enough sleepiness and he can’t do anything to stop it and turn it off.

He’s about given up, hopelessly scrolling through more alternative blogs instead of health websites (and contemplating grabbing a pan from the kitchen to knock himself out with it because it might as well be more effective), when he finds something he hasn’t seen before, and it makes him pause and really read.

 _ASMR_ , the cheerful blog writer says, _is a tingling sensation that spreads through the body triggered by auditory stimuli. Think of it like a brain massage! To me personally, ASMR has become a necessary aid for sleeping. I’ve found it tricks my brain into relaxing, and now I’m able to fall asleep before I even know it!_

Huh.

That sounds… interesting, actually.

Now, Yaku doesn’t live under a rock. He’s heard of ASMR before, but he never really cared nor had a chance to know what it was about. He also didn’t know it was so… scientific, but some wikipedia surfing shows him otherwise.

Also, he had no idea there’s a whole online community of thousands of people dedicated to it, and that there are some ASMR artists with millions of subscribers and watchers. It’s insane, but in a good way, and if it can get him to fall asleep in seconds, then he’s all for it.

_Keep in mind that there are different kinds of triggers, and what some people may find relaxing might be disliked by others. Below, I will link a few recommendations for different kinds of ASMR videos so you can find what gets your brain purring!_

Yaku wants to get his brain purring more than anything in the world, so he puts on his earphones and starts tapping around the linked videos.

He discovers that environmental sounds do nothing for him. Rain tapping, wind blowing, fire creaking… it’s boring, but not in a good, sleep-inducing way. The sounds are nice in nature, but with these ones, pre-recorded and played over a pretty illustration of a forest, it’s like Yaku’s brain is determined to find the point where the audios loop even if there isn’t one, and that doesn’t help him sleep.

Then, he discovers that eating sounds get him on his nerves and make him hungry, so that’s a no from him as well.

Tapping noises are _good_. Too good, actually. Just a few seconds in and he’s already getting tingles all over his body, muscles turning into putty, and really seeing where the definition “a brain massage” comes from.

He could stay there and keep playing the video until he falls asleep (because it’s two hours long! Two whole hours! Of tapping noises! These ASMR youtubers are hardworking as fuck!), but something about the next section makes him curious.

The subtitle says “whispers/soft spoken”, and the thumbnail of the first linked video shows the bottom half of a young man’s face with an extremely familiar smirk on his face. In front of him, lying open on a table, there’s a book with the illustration of a planet on it.

 _My favorite whisper ASMR channel is definitely this one: KurooASMR. Unfortunately, he doesn’t post too often, and his videos are quite simple, but they are all super nice to listen to, AND extremely interesting! He talks about science, math, history, sports, mythology - you name it! It’s almost a shame his voice is_ **_so_ ** _soothing and relaxing that I end up falling asleep only minutes into his videos— I would really love to listen to everything he has to say!_

Yaku stops. Blinks at the screen of his phone.

He reads the paragraph over and over, blinks some more, then inspects the face on the video thumbnail more closely, and…

That really _is_ Kuroo, then.

Kuroo Tetsurou, his best friend slash arch nemesis from high school, who he hasn’t seen since he got scouted by the Ekaterinburg Cheegles soon after graduating. Not in person, at least. They do Skype every now and then, the two of them with Kai, and they catch up on what they’ve been doing. Yaku’s been there virtually for the past two birthdays of everyone in Nekoma, so it’s not like he dropped off the earth.

They have kept in touch, but for some reason, Kuroo never mentioned that he talks to strangers — no; that he _whispers_ to strangers about science on the internet and that he’s famous for it.

Yaku can’t help but burst into laughter.

He considers giving Kuroo hell about it, and he’s about to, but fuck, it’s late. It’s around six in the morning in Japan, and from what he remembers, Kuroo’s first class starts at ten so he’s probably sleeping right now, and teasing him when he can’t fight back is no fun.

And that aside… Yaku is a curious cat and he kinda sorta _really_ wants to see at least one of Kuroo’s videos, if only to see what the fuss is about and why there are random bloggers on the internet calling his shady voice “soothing and relaxing”. If he makes fun of Kuroo for them, then surely Kuroo will make fun of _him_ for watching his video in the first place, and that wouldn’t be satisfactory.

So, he holds back the teasing. For now.

Instead, he goes into the link to Kuroo’s video and braces himself for whatever he’s about to experience.

_The Inner Planets: A Guide to Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars | ASMR whisper (2.5 hrs)_

Yaku grimaces at the title because it sounds so interesting and so up his alley, but he supposes it’s true that he and Kuroo always had the same nerdy interests. Kuroo was really passionate about them, but he ended up going into a career in business much to Yaku’s surprise. Perhaps these videos are a way of keeping those interests alive?

Anyway.

It’s clear he’s popular.

While a little intro plays (with a deep sound that moves from one earphone to the other and has a dumb little shiver going down Yaku’s back), Yaku checks the video’s numbers and is positively shocked. Seven hundred thousand views, thirty thousand likes, over two thousand comments - what in the world is Kuroo doing to all these people?

“Hello, welcome back. It’s Kuroo,” video-Kuroo says, his voice a deep whisper, and another shiver goes down Yaku’s back, this one even stronger than before - it has his fucking leg kicking spontaneously and everything.

 _What the fuck_.

“So, the other day I dragged Kenma out to check some old book stores and vinyl stores in Shibuya with me, and I found this treasure,” video-Kuroo says, his voice a steady, soft whisper that sounds and _feels_ too good for it to actually belong to Kuroo. Video-Kuroo picks the book up and shows it off to the camera, and Yaku notices the video is titled after it. The graphics on the cover are a bit retro and the book looks overall pretty old and beaten, but it’s charming in its own way. He can’t help but smile a little to himself.

Of course he’d buy something like that for himself when other people wouldn’t stop to look twice at it.

Video-Kuroo taps on the covers and spine of the book, moving it closer to the off-camera microphones and making the sound travel from one side of Yaku’s brain to the other as he resumes talking.

“It’s old, I know, but it has amazing illustrations, and much of the information in it hasn’t changed that much in the last few decades,” he says, talking with ease, the way he does when he likes whatever it is he’s talking about. “Though I have to say; even if there have been new discoveries, it’s still interesting to know what was considered the latest knowledge decades ago, don’t you think?”

Yaku hums in agreement, then mentally slaps himself for it.

“So, go get ready for bed, if you haven’t done it already,” Video-Kuroo beckons his watchers gently, his lips always quirked into a catlike grin. “Brush your teeth, turn the lights off… Just lay down and relax. If you’re not going to sleep and you’re just taking a break from your studies, or from work, then that’s alright too. Just… sit back and close your eyes for a moment.”

Yaku does exactly that, and not because he’s being told, mind you. He just does it because he is trying to fall asleep, and Kuroo’s video seems interesting enough.

He’ll also admit that his voice is pretty relaxing and even pleasant to listen to when he isn’t laughing like a hyena or shouting about stupid shit. When Kuroo gets to it, it’s easy to get lost. Yaku tries to follow what he’s saying, but whenever Kuroo turns a page, or whenever he gets a little too close to either of his microphones in a way that feels like he’s speaking straight into Yaku’s brain, he shivers and melts a little into the mattress.

It’s a natural reaction, he tells himself as he dozes off.

It’s the whole point of this, after all: just a brain massage that puts him to sleep.

  
  
  


The next morning, Yaku wakes up feeling nice and fresh even if he’s been having only a fraction of his usual sleep hours for the last few days.

He forgot to put his phone on battery-saving mode, so the first thing Yaku sees when he turns off his alarm is the ending screen of Kuroo’s video, and a wave of embarrassment washes over him.

Damn.

Last night was an _experience_.

He not only learned that ASMR works on him, which is great news if he ever feels restless again, but he also learned that Kuroo’s voice, _Kuroo Testurou’s voice_ of all things, has him out like a light in minutes. Yaku can’t remember a single fact about Mercury! Not one!

While he changes into his workout clothes at the Cheegles gym locker room he gets the fleeting thought of watching the video again, this time during the day, to maybe learn a thing or two, but he discards it almost right away, shaking his head and grimacing to himself.

That would be really weird.

He turned to Kuroo’s video last night because he wanted to make fun of him and because he was desperate. That’s all. He didn’t know it would turn his brain into mush before he could switch back to the inoffensive tapping videos he checked out before. Now, he’s not gonna touch them again with a ten-foot pole and he’s going to act like they don’t exist, just like Kuroo does whenever they talk and hang out virtually.

Though that’s interesting, now that he thinks about it.

Why hasn’t Kuroo told him he’s pretty much a celebrity for insomniacs on the internet?

Yaku does his best during practice, as usual, but his mind won’t let any of this go and it shows that he’s distracted in his not-too-stable receives.

His mind is just running wild, now, asking itself stupid questions, like:

Is Kuroo embarrassed about this and that’s why he’s never told Yaku?

It’s true he doesn’t show his full face on his videos (though Yaku doesn’t really know that, since he only watched about five minutes of only one of them), but even with just _that_ anyone who knows him would be able to tell it’s him with a single look. 

Surely Kozume knows about it, since he’s been running an internet empire for a couple of years and Kuroo tells him every single thing that goes through his brain, but does Kai know? Or Bokuto?

Yaku shakes his head at that.

Whatever - who cares if they know; why didn’t Yaku know? Why did he have to be told by a nameless blogger that Kuroo works miracles on sleepless people?

It couldn’t be because his first instinctive reaction was to bully him about it, right? Yaku _does_ tease Kuroo over everything, but that’s only because Kuroo teases _him_ over everything. That’s their thing. That’s _always_ been their thing, and just because they’re mean to each other sometimes it doesn’t mean they don’t like or respect each other.

Far from it! If he stops to think about it, Yaku could say for sure that Kuroo is among the few people he respects the most. So what if he’s famous for whispering about nerdy stuff on the internet? There’s nothing to be embarrassed about there.

He’s probably making great money by doing that, too! Good for him! Had Kuroo told him about it and he hadn’t found out the way he did, then sure, Yaku would’ve teased him to his face about being an insufferable nerd, but then he would’ve patted his back and told him to keep at it. Kuroo knows that.

He… _does_ know that, right?

Yaku frowns.

Then Yaku almost receives a spike with his face, and the team’s coach barks at him in Russian and English, so he splashes water on his face and resolves to shove every strange thought about Kuroo and Kuroo’s voice out of his brain for good.

It’s a stupid thing to worry about, anyway. All of this is.

Just twenty-four hours ago, none of these things even occurred to him.

When he’s back in his apartment that afternoon, he still manages to keep his mind under control. 

He goes to the supermarket to stock up on groceries, he cooks, he cleans, and he even texts back and forth with Nishinoya and with Kuroo and Kai for a while. Nishinoya set out to travel after graduating, not too long ago, and he’s currently in Indonesia, working at a resort in exchange for housing for the time being. As for Kai, he sent photos of a cute cat he met that morning on his way to class, and they’re having a whole debate on whether he should steal the cat and keep it (Kai refuses), and what name should he give it if he does (he won’t).

Yaku was proactive and productive today that the moment he gets in bed he expects sleep will come and take him into its arms immediately, but of course that doesn’t happen.

It didn’t happen yesterday, or the day before, or even the day before that one, so why would it happen today?

Though there’s a difference today. Today he feels something more akin to… anticipation than to frustration fluttering around inside of him when he finds sleep eluding him.

He huffs to himself, rolls his own eyes at himself.

His brain is doing this to him on purpose, isn’t it?

He went and repressed thoughts about Kuroo’s ASMR videos all day long, so now his brain is having its revenge by keeping him awake so he _has_ to go looking for the videos again.

That’s some masochistic bullshit. Yaku’s not having it, so he tries to fight it for as long as he can.

He counts sheep in his head, and when that fails he tries those breathing exercises he found yesterday, but it’s to no avail. Even if he started practicing yoga or went to the kitchen to make himself some chamomile tea, it’s all pointless.

There’s no kidding himself; he knows himself too well for that, and the truth is he _does_ want to check out Kuroo’s videos again.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back, they say, and Yaku can think of few things more satisfying than the tingles Kuroo’s stupid voice gave him last night. Nevermind if this feels like he’s desecrating their years of friendship and mutual trust. He tells himself that the videos are out in the open, which means Kuroo knows that _anyone_ in the world, including Yaku, and that glasses guy from Karasuno, and coach Nekomata, and even Kuroo’s own parents - _anyone_ with an internet connection could potentially stumble upon them, and he posted them anyway, even knowing that.

And that’s not Yaku’s problem.

So, he makes his way into YouTube and into Kuroo’s channel. He sees his old team captain has several hundred thousand subscribers, just shy under a mind-blowing _million_ people, and dozens of videos classified into categories. Unsurprisingly, one of the categories is sports, and the two videos in it are about volleyball: one about the history of volleyball, and another one about laws of physics and how they work using exclusively examples from volleyball. Those don’t have as many views as the other ones about astronomy or about the human genome, but they are still near one hundred thousand views each, which is impressive.

He feels a little dirty as he taps into the second one, the one with the physics, but satisfaction comes instantly the moment he hears Kuroo’s voice saying “hello, welcome back,” in a husky whisper. “It’s Kuroo.”

It makes the hairs in the back of Yaku’s head stand on end because he can practically feel Kuroo’s mouth against his right ear, and that’s —

That’s good, _fuck_. That feels really good; Yaku can’t believe he’s wasted twenty-one years of his life not knowing about this whole ASMR thing, and he can’t believe that the one who popped his ASMR cherry was actually Kuroo Tetsurou, but he’s not about to start complaining now.

“If you’ve watched some of my videos before, you may already know that I’m really into volleyball,” Video-Kuroo says, interrupting Yaku’s freight train of thought before it can get too far. His voice is as quiet and measured and soothing as it was in the video Yaku watched yesterday, and it feels like an invisible feather tickling his brain from the inside.

“I’ve played for years and years, ever since I was a kid. I actually got Kenma to play with me,” he pauses, laughs softly, and Yaku swears he can feel his breath gusting against his ear. It makes him shiver again. “It might be a little hard to believe if you only know him as, you know, as Kodzuken, but we even went to Nationals with our team as one of the three teams representing Tokyo. Pretty cool, isn’t it?”

This has Yaku beaming.

 _Fuck yes,_ that was cool.

He tapped into this video expecting cold hard physics from the get go, but he’s loving this introduction a lot - probably way more than any of Kuroo’s regular subscribers, and for good reason.

“We were famous for our defensive style, and for slowly tearing our opponents down even if that meant sacrificing points here and there sometimes. Our team was great,” he says, and it sounds so warm and proud that Yaku feels a rush of something just as warm filling up his lungs and stomach. Misplaced ASMR tingles, surely. “So great, actually, that one of my friends from the team was offered a position in a Russian professional team right after high school.”

The warmth that spread inside Yaku suddenly intensifies to the point it becomes almost unbearable. It reaches his cheeks, even.

He’s — Kuroo’s talking about _him_? To thousands of strangers on the internet?

“I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about him before…” Video-Kuroo muses absentmindedly, his fingers playing with a red mechanical pencil. Only then, and only because Yaku’s eyes start following the movements of Video-Kuroo’s hands on screen, does he realize there’s a sketchbook open on a blank page on the desk. “He’s not tall, physically, but it doesn’t matter, because he’s gotta be the tallest person I’ve ever met on the inside. Does that make sense?”

Yaku’s face is burning.

 _No, it doesn’t make sense,_ he wants to write on the comments section, but he doesn’t because he’s still pretty flattered, and because Video-Kuroo continues talking.

“Anyway, that’s enough of an introduction, I think. I don’t want to bore you,” he says, but then corrects himself with a smirk. “Wait, no, that’s not true. I do want to bore you; just not with that. I wanna bore you with _physics_. Tonight, we’re going to go over a few laws and principles of physics, and because I’m very into volleyball, I’m going to use volleyball examples to illustrate. Does it sound good to you?”

It sounds good to Yaku, but he’s still a little… tingly about Kuroo mentioning him. He didn’t even say much about him, just a few words he had never heard from him in person before, but he also made an off-handed comment about how he’s talked about him before — does that mean he’s an occasional character in Kuroo’s nerdy whisper videos, or something? What has Kuroo said about him, anyway?

“Good,” Video-Kuroo whispers. “Now, follow my voice and let’s get started by relaxing a little bit,” he instructs, and it’s so, so damn easy to follow, Yaku does it without even thinking.

“Lay down,” Video-Kuroo says quietly, gently. “Slowly, take a few deep and heavy breaths, big enough to fill your lungs, and let them go just as slowly. Close your eyes. Make sure your muscles are all comfortable and that not a single part of your body is in a weird position. Relax your jaw… your neck… your shoulders…”

And just like that, in a blur of tingles that hit him like tsunami waves, Yaku is out without even reaching the core of the video.

  
  
  


It happens the following night, again.

And the next. And the next. And the one after that.

Every day, Yaku looks forward to the night, and every night, Yaku makes his way to Kuroo’s YouTube channel and picks a video to fall asleep to. 

Four weeks go by in the blink of an eye like that, and those few nights he spent unable to sleep become nothing but a memory.

But the truth is Yaku doesn’t think the reason he keeps looking for Kuroo’s ASMR videos is still because he _needs_ them to fall asleep. He just… he just likes them, the sound and the feeling of them. More than anything, aside from the pleasant tingles and the shivers, and from how Kuroo whispers some words in a way that can even make Yaku’s back arch unintentionally, what he gets the most is comfort.

He likes listening to Kuroo, it’s as simple as that. It’s been almost a month into this weird new hobby of his (aka. listening to Kuroo rant about stuff), and he can at least admit this much to himself.

He likes Kuroo’s voice whispering into his ear, telling him to go brush his teeth and turn off the lights of his room even if he’s more than ready for sleep, already buried under a pile of blankets. He likes Kuroo’s little introductions, where he talks about something he did or bought or learned recently. He likes when he mentions Kozume, or Kai, or Bokuto, or his sister, or just their old team in general. He even likes it when he mentions him, even if he’s always vague about it and he never mentions his name like he does with Kozume or Bokuto. He likes how he taps on books with his blunt fingernails, and how he twirls his mechanical pencils around when he explains things after drawing them.

Yaku never gets to watch too many minutes of his videos because he always falls asleep too soon, but he’s still picked up on many things by now.

The more he watches, the more he notices random little things he never noticed before, during high school. It’s gotta be the fault of the super high definition camera Kuroo uses to film his videos, which makes reality look even more realistic than it really is - if that makes sense. Either that, or he just never took a moment to _really_ look at Kuroo’s face (especially his mouth) whenever they talked before, both in person and virtually, but now, Kuroo’s mouth is what occupies most of his screen when he watches his videos, so it’s impossible not to look and not to notice things.

Like, Yaku is now extremely aware of the color of Kuroo’s lips - a nice pale pink-brown just a shade or two darker than his skin -, and of how white his teeth are in contrast to them.

(And in contrast to his tongue, too, but he refuses to even acknowledge thoughts of Kuroo’s tongue have ever crossed his mind).

Yaku is now extremely aware of the little mole on Kuroo’s chin, which he either only got recently or has always been there and Yaku simply didn’t notice. He’s aware now of how Kuroo’s (prominent) Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows, and of how the skin of his jaw seems a tad rougher than the one of his cheeks and his temples, which looks very smooth, at least on camera.

Yaku can tell now that Kuroo’s lips, pale pink and brown, are often dry, and that he licks them a lot.

(Which, once again, brings Yaku to thoughts about Kuroo’s tongue that he absolutely does _not_ have. He doesn’t think about how pink it is, or about how stupidly endearing it is that Kuroo presses it to the inside of his cheek when he’s concentrating on drawing something nerdy).

There are several dozens of videos uploaded to his channel, and Yaku would like to see (or listen to) all of them at least once, but he has a feeling he’ll go back to the one about physics and volleyball way more than once because there was something extra nice about it.

The first video was posted, Yaku calculates, a few months after he left for Russia and after Kuroo and Kai started college, a couple years ago. It must’ve been Kuroo’s first semester in his new school, and, from what Yaku remembers from their conversations at that time, it was a pretty stressful time for him.

Yaku’s curious.

He wonders how Kuroo juggled this new hobby of his with school so well back then.

He wants to ask Kuroo about it, and about so many things, none of them important.

Where did he get the idea to start doing this? How did he get so famous? Does Kozume help him out, somehow? He probably has enough influence online to help Kuroo broaden his audience. Also - how much money does he make from this? Yaku knows Kuroo got a freakin’ car a few months ago, and a new one at that, with his savings — was that ASMR money?

He’s curious, so sue him.

At this point, if Yaku brought it up, he wouldn’t have the face to make fun of Kuroo over anything because that would be hypocritical, wouldn’t it? He’s really become addicted to his videos (and his voice), so how could he laugh at him when he’s consuming _all_ his content like a starving person?

They keep talking every now and then like they’ve always done, sending each other memes and chatting about random stuff, but Yaku hasn’t dared ask yet, and he’s not sure why.

He wants to, but at the same time he doesn’t because doing so would be like… betraying Kuroo in a way, wouldn’t it? If Kuroo himself never told him about it in the first place, he’s gotta have his reasons having Yaku bring it up to his face could make things a little weird.

Right?

Yaku doesn’t know. He’s kind of in a big, messy nebula regarding all of this.

He’s never been one to overthink what he tells or doesn’t tell Kuroo, or anyone else for that matter, but it’s obvious that things haven’t been working the way they used to ever since he started having trouble sleeping - much less since he discovered Kuroo’s ASMR videos.

It’s a little embarrassing, but Yaku has been thinking about calling Kuroo.

Like, actually calling him on the phone, and just the two of them.

He wants to hear his voice talking to him live, not pre-recorded, even if he knows their phones will butcher the velvety texture of Kuroo’s voice he’s gotten so accustomed to hearing in perfect definition. Even if he doesn’t know if he can trust himself not to get a physical reaction from listening to him at this point, like he’s Pavlov’s dog and Kuroo’s the ringing of the bell preceding a tasty steak. Still, Yaku wants to call.

He wants to _talk_.

It’s a weird place he’s in, he’s realizing.

Right now, he’s alone in Ekaterinburg, Russia, and he’s thinking about Kuroo in ways he never thought of him before, all because he stumbled upon a bunch of videos by accident.

He’s missed Kuroo for a while, but until now, he’s missed him the way he misses his favorite flavor of Fanta (which, apparently, only exists in Japan): passively. Unthinking it.

Now, it’s a little different.

Now, he misses Kuroo harder because he sees more clearly that there is so much more to Kuroo than just _Kuroo_.

There’s always been way more to Kuroo than meets the eye, _obviously_ , and Yaku has gotten to know him better than many of the people around him (or so he likes to think). But now, for some reason, he misses Kuroo not the way he misses Fanta, not passively, and not because it’s natural to miss him after being abroad for so long.

Now, he misses him the way he misses his mom’s stir-fried vegetables, or a good bowl of instant ramen at the 7/11 near school with the rest of the team, not because of how they taste, but because of the moment itself; because of who he’s with when he eats those things. He misses him like he misses home and listening to his own language on the streets: with a mix of hunger and nostalgia.

Yaku misses Kuroo harder because by giving into his own curiosity and getting hooked on his videos, he broke the dam he consciously built on his fears and on his sensibility in order to get _here_ , to the pros - to a foreign country where he barely speaks the language to continue playing the best volleyball.

Listening to Kuroo go off about things he’s interested in, and him being so unexpectedly soothing and _sexy_ while he does it (because, yeah, Yaku’s not beating around the bush with that realization), has been a revelation. 

He sighs to himself.

He’s thousands of kilometers away from home, alone in a lonely apartment, in a lonely city, and even if he’s doing great with the Cheegles, he still feels disconnected.

And what Kuroo is, is connection.

That’s what Kuroo always has been. With his cringy speeches about blood and circulating oxygen; with his insistence to teach everyone, even his potential rivals, how to love the things he loves; with his ability to know just what it is that people need with so much as one look.

Even without knowing it, Kuroo _is_ connection.

Watching him and listening to him feels good, _like a brain massage_ , but above all, watching him and listening to him makes Yaku feel connected again.

  
  
  


“Yakkun?”

“Hey,” Yaku speaks into his phone, hoping he sounds casual and not nervous. He is a little nervous, but he’ll be damned if he lets it show. “You, uh… you have a minute?”

Kuroo hums on the other side of the line, and the sound almost makes Yaku’s breath catch in his throat.

“I do, yeah,” Kuroo replies, his voice tinny over the phone but still pleasant enough. “I mean, I was just finishing up some assignments, but it’s not really urgent cause they’re for next week… What’s up? I don’t think you’ve called me once since texting was invented— so like, _never_ ,” he pauses to laugh at his own words, and Yaku is almost surprised that he doesn’t shiver at the sound. “Something happened?”

Yaku makes a noncommittal sound and shrugs even if he knows Kuroo can’t see him. It’s his free day today and he’s making himself lunch in his pajamas, boiling some eggs and making himself a big salad. He was torn between catching up on some anime or taking a nap (an excuse to play one of Kuroo’s videos), but then he got the idea of calling Kuroo like he’d been thinking about doing.

The idea hit him like a freight train. It was a Saturday and it wasn’t late in Tokyo, so Kuroo would probably be up. The worst that could happen was he wouldn’t pick up for whatever reason but would text Yaku later instead, so. Nothing too bad.

 _Just call him,_ _you’re dying to._

So he did it. He dialed Kuroo up, Kuroo answered, and now he’s here, _they’re both here_ , and Yaku’s not sure what to say because he didn’t really think he’d get this far. All he knows is he wants to get Kuroo talking.

“Not really, no,” Yaku replies, and it’s true. Nothing has really happened.

Other than his realization yesterday that he misses Kuroo far more than he probably should miss Kuroo, nothing else has happened.

“Then, uh…” Kuroo starts. “Why the call?”

“No reason. I just wanted to call.”

“That’s new.”

Yaku scoffs.

“I _did_ ask you if you had a moment and you said you did, you know? If you're busy, then…”

“No, no,” Kuroo cuts him off. “It’s nice you called, Yakkun,” he says, and Yaku can tell even without looking at him that he’s wearing that sketchy smirk-grin he wears so often and so well. It makes something warm flutter in his stomach to just picture it in his mind, which is all kinds of awful. Kuroo continues, “but people usually ask ‘do you have a moment’ if they need something from the other person, so I thought… do you need something?”

Yaku clicks his tongue.

“It’s almost insulting that you think I have to need something to call you,” Yaku says even if it’s technically true, but Kuroo laughs softly into his ear again so Yaku counts that as a victory. He smiles to himself as he moves the eggs around in the pot of boiling water. “What kind of lame assignments are you working on?”

“Eh. These are probably extra lame by your standards. You sure you wanna hear about them?”

At this point, Yaku would _love_ to hear literally anything Kuroo has to say, no matter how lame and boring it is, though he’d sooner eat one of his teammate’s dirty socks than admitting it.

“Yeah, bore me to death, come on.”

Kuroo snorts.

“Alright, you asked for it. It’s, uh, just a bunch of data in a bunch of excel spreadsheets for a course on tax law. We’re given hypothetical situations of hypothetical companies and have to, like… fix their finances.”

“Oh, wow, it _is_ extra lame,” Yaku says, and Kuroo laughs softly against his ear again.

“I told you.”

“Yeah, you did,” Yaku hums, unsure of how to follow up but wanting to follow up with something so Kuroo has to speak next.

It turns out he doesn’t have to say anything.

“You sure nothing happened?” Kuroo asks, his voice suddenly gentler, almost like he’s cautious of hesitant to ask. “Not that I don’t appreciate you calling me. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if you did it more often, Yakkun, but… I don’t know. You sound kinda weird.”

Yaku recoils at that.

“Weird? How?”

“I don’t know,” Kuroo repeats. “Just weird. Suspicious. It sounds like you’re avoiding something. Maybe or your house chores?”

“What? I was literally just making myself lunch, got bored, and thought I’d give you a call. Clearly I shouldn’t have, because you’re being annoying. Also, I _never_ avoid things,” he says the last bit confidently, even if he knows this time he is kind of, sort of, avoiding something. Not something as mundane as house chores like Kuroo suggested, but Yaku doesn’t know how non-mundane him knowing about Kuroo’s ASMR channel and secretly becoming a fan of it is.

Probably not too deep either; just enough to deeply bug him by sparking unwelcome thoughts and feelings in him.

It’s impressive that Kuroo can see right through him, though, even after all this time, when they’re thousands of kilometers apart and he only has his voice to go by. But then again, Kuroo’s always been a perceptive son of a bitch. He’s always had this sixth sense when it comes to figuring people out. It’s what made him a great leader, an even better friend, and now also an ASMR guru.

“ _Ooh_ , defensive,” just like that, the gentleness in Kuroo’s voice is gone again and it’s replaced with its usual mirth. He knows the gentle, sensible approach doesn’t work with Yaku, so of course he drops it at once when it fails. “As expected of the world’s best libero; never letting anything slip through his defense, huh?”

Yaku’s grip around the spoon he’s using to pointlessly stir the eggs in the pot turns stronger.

“What is this, Tetsurou. Are you trying to bully me to get me to confess to something? You say I’m being weird, but are you listening to yourself?

“Oh, so there _is_ something to confess?”

“I really can’t stand you sometimes.”

“And yet you called me,” Kuroo says into the phone, all sarcastic and smirky, and Yaku knows him so well that he _knows_ he’s pushing his buttons on purpose, trying to metaphorically push him against the metaphorical wall because that’s how Yaku works.

He can be tough to crack, but Kuroo knows him just as well as Yaku knows him.

It’s almost a curse how much they know each other now that Yaku has been feeling so many warm and tingly things because of him. But how was he supposed to know that looking at someone’s lips as they talk and at their hands as they draw, and falling asleep to the sound of their voice could spark those thoughts? Thoughts like _oh, he’s hot,_ and _he’s always been hot_. Like _oh, he’s smart, and sensible, and funny,_ and _I must’ve been either extremely blind or extremely focused on other things to not notice him before._

Like _maybe I’m just lonely now and I crave something that reminds me of home._ Like _maybe it’s just that he is there, just a YouTube search away, and he’s hot, and smart, and sensible, and funny, but most of all, he’s familiar and comforting._

Like _I wonder how it would be like to kiss him_.

_I wonder if he’d ever kiss me._

“I mean,” Kuroo goes on, knocking Yaku out of his own head with his stupid, sarcastic, velvety voice. “You got many friends you _do_ stand; you could’ve called any of them instead to pass the time. If you wanted a nice, peaceful conversation you could’ve called Kai. Or, if you wanted a fun, lighthearted conversation, you could’ve called Fukunaga, or Lev, or Nishinoya, or —”

“God, you’re so insufferable!” Yaku snaps, cutting him off, annoyed. “Fine! I called you because I missed you, as in _you_ specifically, and I wanted to talk to you for a while. Alright?” Kuroo goes silent at that, so Yaku takes it as a green light to continue. “I’m not avoiding anything. I just… I’m six thousand kilometers away and I haven’t had a single opportunity to go home in two years, so cut me some slack if I get a little sentimental and call you because I miss your stupid ass. Leave me alone.”

Silence stretches for a while, and a part of Yaku could swear it’s because Kuroo is trying to come up with a mean comeback to make fun of him, but thankfully, that part of him is wrong.

What Kuroo ends up saying, gentle and quiet and not at all sarcastic is actually, “we talk.”

“... Huh?”

“I said that we do talk. We Skype with Kai, sometimes with the others too, and we text… You literally sent me Russian memes yesterday.”

Yaku lets out a little chuckle at that. He feels almost lighter after saying all that. It was not a full-on confession about what is troubling him by any means, but it was _something_ , and Kuroo isn’t making fun of him for it, so it’s a victory.

Good.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so, but… don’t ask me how, but this is different. Talking like this, just you and me. Like. You know how it’s always the three of us when we Skype, and that’s nice, but I kinda… I don’t know,” he trails off, then he almost growls because _fuck it_ , it’s difficult to talk about this, and with Kuroo of all people.

Why couldn’t he have developed a weird ASMR-induced crush on someone he doesn’t know so intimately? Why couldn’t it have been someone he has never met? Someone who has never had to carry him when he’s injured, or cried with him and hugged him through shared losses and victories, or stayed up late with him talking and playing card games instead of preparing for their exams.

This is not fair. “I’m not gonna say it again,” he declares, referring specifically to the _I miss you_ bits of his outburst from before, and Kuroo laughs softly.

“Wow, so big and tough, Yakkun,” he comments, and Yaku wants to retort, but Kuroo beats him to it. “Well, I miss you too, if it helps. Like, a lot. Way more than I’d like to admit.”

“You… wait, what? You do?”

“Well, obviously,” Kuroo says, like it really is obvious when it’s _anything but_ to Yaku. They’ve gone all this time talking regularly, but they’ve never really delved too deep into anything, so Yaku wouldn’t have suspected Kuroo missed him much at all. Fuck it, Yaku himself didn’t realize just how much he missed Kuroo until recently. “You’ve been gone for over two years now,” Kuroo explains, “and we used to spend every day together. We were in the same team, and then even in the same class throughout all of third year, so - ”

“Wait. Wait, yeah, I get that, but that’s not really -,” Yaku says, cutting Kuroo and then himself off. “I mean, it’s true that we were together a lot, but… I just don’t see why you would.”

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because - I don’t know! Because it’s only me who’s missing from your picture now, so even if I’m not there, sure, that’s too bad I guess, but you still got everyone else to keep you busy and distracted. Even if you’re in college now, you’re still only a short train ride away from Kozume, or Kai, or Bokuto, or - or from anyone in your family! Like your parents, or your sister.”

“And?” Kuroo asks. “What’s your point?”

“My point is why the fuck would you miss _me_ when you still have everyone else?”

A few seconds of silence go by before Kuroo sighs heavily into the phone.

“Okay. Listen. This is gonna sound a bit cringy, but bear with me, alright? You’re not ‘everyone else’. Believe it or not, even though I’ve got all these people to keep me busy and distracted like you said, sometimes - _many times_ -, that’s not enough, and I still wish I could hang out with you instead.”

Yaku shuts his eyes at that.

Well. That’s… good to know. Yaku wouldn’t have guessed. 

The water is starting to boil more aggressively in the pot in front of him, bubbles getting big enough to make the hard-boiled eggs bump noisily against the walls of the pot. He should turn off the stove already, but instead, he licks his lips, pokes an egg with a wooden spoon, and watches it move around in the hysterical boiling water.

“I… wish I could go there to hang out with you,” he finds himself admitting. “With everyone, but also with you.”

 _Especially with you_ , he doesn’t say, but he thinks it’s pretty clear.

“So, come,” Kuroo says easily, and Yaku snorts.

“It’s fucking expensive. I’ve been thinking of going there after the season is over because my parents won’t be able to visit, but it’s gonna be a while until then. Why don’t you come over instead?”

“I’m a college student in Tokyo. I’m not exactly swimming in money.”

“Isn’t Kozume a college student in Tokyo too? I’m pretty sure he’s swimming in money.”

Kuroo chuckles softly at that. “Well, yeah, but that’s because he became an internet celebrity.”

Yaku doesn’t know how it happens, because it happens so fast. All he knows is his next words leave him before he has even put them through his brain-to-mouth filter.

“Oh, like you aren’t,” he says, jokingly but firmly and confidently enough that it’s obviously a well-informed statement. When he realizes what he says, his eyes widen and he gasps quietly. “Oh, shit,” he mutters to himself.

“What was that?” Kuroo asks, but Yaku knows he heard him perfectly well.

Well, fuck.

“Uh. It’s, uh. What I meant is - you know how since you and Kozume are attached at the hip, so him being an internet celebrity must mean he’s talked about you before, which…”

“Yakkun…” Kuroo stops him from rambling, thankfully, but he doesn’t sound too thrilled.

Yaku gnaws on his lip.

Alright, time to drop the second third of his confession.

(The last third is the one about the tingly feelings Kuroo has been giving him that have little to do with ASMR and more with the way the thought and the sound of him makes his chest and his stomach feel warm and happy and at home, but he hopes he’ll never have to admit to that).

“Okay. What you’re not going to do is go all _Yakkun_ on me. I’ll - I’ll confess I accidentally found out you have a big YouTube channel and that you’re like an ASMR superstar in there, but you’re not going to treat me like it was wrong of me to find out about it!” He defends himself from the get go. Kuroo sounds like he wants to say something, but Yaku goes on, speaking over him. “You know how the internet works, and you know even people you personally know could eventually see what you post. I’m sorry if you never wanted me to find out, but if it helps, I didn’t do it on purpose. I was having trouble sleeping one night and someone linked your videos on a blog saying they worked miracles, so I got curious and tried them out, so… yeah.”

Kuroo lets out a breath so heavy, it sounds to Yaku like he was holding the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“Fuck. It’s not that I didn’t want you to find out. I don’t care if you know about them, it’s not like they’re a secret. I just… didn’t know how to tell you at first and didn’t think you’d care, but then my channel grew bigger and bigger, and telling you then would’ve been weirder and out of nowhere so I just didn’t? It’s dumb.”

“Yeah… You did get kinda nervous just now, though…” Yaku points out, smirking a little to himself.

“Well, yeah, because it’s a little strange to know you've seen the kind of videos I post. I mean… have you really watched them?”

“I,” Yaku hesitates for a moment. “I have. And I actually really, _really_ like them. I mean, they’re extremely nerdy, but they’re… They’re just so good. I can’t listen to them for more than ten minutes without falling asleep, but I also can’t go to sleep without listening to them. It’s witchcraft.”

“Not witchcraft, it’s science,” Kuroo corrects jokingly, laughing softly, but he still sounds a little nervous, his laugh a little uncomfortable. “Fuck,” he curses again under his breath, and it’s such a useless word, such an out of character thing for Kuroo to be reduced to awkwardness, that it’s almost endearing.

Yaku’s gone really soft for him without even noticing, huh.

“Shit, Tetsurou, if I didn’t like them so much I’d tell you that if you’re not comfortable with me listening to them I’ll stop, but I can’t promise you that, see I’ve -”

— _watched over twenty of your videos and developed an addiction to them that’s borderline physical, because listening to your voice literally gives my brain orgasms, and it has all made me see you and our entire friendship differently, because I know that you’re just as smart and caring and sexy in real life as you are in your videos and I can’t stop thinking about you like that, and I realize that I miss you more than I miss anyone else, and that I want you, and it’s so embarrassing that this is how I found out, but there’s nothing I can do about it. by the way, is there a chance you’d like to make out with me the next time we see each other? ‘cause I need to know how your stupid mouth feels like against mine_ —

“I’m not uncomfortable,” Kuroo interrupts his train of thought, thankfully. “I mean. I dunno. It is weird, but it’s also kind of funny to think about. You really like them that much? Cause they’re pretty simple compared to other ASMR channels.”

“Are you fishing for compliments?” Yaku replies, because it’s easier to be snarky than to unravel the mess in his chest. “I already told you I do. They’re like… brain massages, they’re nice.”

“But they’re literally just my voice, and you’ve known my voice for years.”

“Well, I like it, okay?” Yaku says with an ease that almost surprises him but that also has his cheeks heating up. “I like your voice.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” _What even_ is this trainwreck of a conversation? When it’s over Yaku’s going to bang his head against the wall until he’s knocked out on the floor. “It’s really nice. I’ve known it for years, but I only just realized, all because of your stupid videos.”

Kuroo takes a second, two seconds, two and a half before he says anything.

“So is that… is that also why you wanted to call me? You wanted to hear my voice?” He asks, and honestly? Fuck him for being so perceptive and having the innate ability to connect dots right away. 

Yaku has nowhere to hide in front of him, does he? He never really has.

He swallows before he answers, as casually as he can even if he isn’t feeling casual at all.

“What do you think?”

After that, before Kuroo can ask or say anything else, Yaku says goodbye in a rush. He tells Kuroo he has to go fast or else his lunch is gonna catch on fire and his kitchen is gonna burn down, and he hangs up right after.

When he can finally breathe in relative peace, he turns off the stove. Most of the boiling water is gone from the pot, but it’s still there in the kitchen, condensed into big round beads on the window that blur out his side of Ekaterinburg.

As Yaku melts to the floor, highkey exhausted after putting himself out there like _that_ , he can't help but think maybe there’s a metaphor in there, somewhere.

  
  
  


Kuroo doesn't call him back after that, which is honestly a relief. The advantage of knowing each other so well is that he knows when to back off.

Yaku does end up taking the nap he thought about taking earlier, before calling Kuroo. He considers not using one of Kuroo’s videos to doze off, out of pride and shame if nothing else, but the temptation and the satisfaction is too big, and he knows now that Kuroo doesn’t really mind him watching and listening to him, so.

He goes for it.

“Hello, welcome back,” says Video-Kuroo into Yaku’s ear in super high audio definition, and it has him tingling in no time.

The next day is uneventful.

It’s a Sunday, but he spends most of the day in the gym with his teammates anyway, which is good for him. He sends Kuroo and Kai some memes he runs into, and Kuroo replies normally, like nothing happened yesterday, and the illusion of normalcy is great. 

So what if Kuroo knows he likes his voice and that he’s been falling asleep to him and that he misses him?

So what.

By nighttime, when he’s tucked in and ready to sleep, earphones on and one of Kuroo’s videos starting on his phone, he gets a bit of a stupid idea.

He takes a screenshot, he taps into his chat with Kuroo, and he sends it to him.

It’s the one with the laws of physics and the volleyball examples.

 _‘This one’s my favorite’,_ he sends, not sure why. To tease him, maybe? To compliment him? Maybe both things.

The thing is, he wasn’t expecting a response. It’s ten pm in Ekaterinburg, which means it’s two in the morning for Kuroo and he should be sleeping because he has class tomorrow morning.

But Kuroo’s status changes to online only a split second after Yaku’s sent the picture.

Oh.

Kuroo is typing, it says, and then a message pops up right below Yaku’s own.

_‘how like you to get off to the one about volleyball’_

Yaku nearly chokes on his own spit at that, but he can’t let it get to him.

 _‘how like you to assume I’d get off to one of your videos’_ he sends, and Kuroo’s answer comes almost right away.

 _‘just saying, it’s ok if you do’_ , he says.

And that’s a heavy thought.

It’s true he gets actual physical pleasure from the videos because that’s just how ASMR works, but he’s never really done anything about it. He lets the tingles course through his body until the pleasant fuzziness puts him to sleep.

Having Kuroo say that sparks different thoughts.

Does he mean it literally? Does he think Yaku’s… touched himself to the sound of his voice, or something? And he’s okay with that?

That’s. That’s something he actually hasn’t considered. For as much as he has a crush on Kuroo now (which is wild to even think about), as well as an endless supply of videos to massage his brain to, he hasn’t crossed that line.

 _‘who in the world could get off to you talking about the laws of gravity and projectile trajectories_ ? _don’t flatter yourself_ ’

_‘and go to sleep, it’s late’_

Kuroo sends him a bunch of laughing emojis in response, and luckily, that makes the weird mood that had settled between them fade away.

He goes back to YouTube to resume the video when Kuroo doesn’t say anything else, but he can’t bring himself to press play.

He just looks at the frame the video’s paused on, where Kuroo’s grinning mouth is opened mid-sentence as he talks about the time they went to nationals.

The Kuroo on his phone screen is the same Kuroo from years ago, and he’s the same Kuroo that just told him that he’s okay with him getting off to his videos - whatever he means by that.

Suddenly, his phone vibrates with a notification.

It’s a message from Kuroo, because of course it’s a message from Kuroo.

_‘hey yakkun’_

Then another one.

_‘can I call you?’_

Yaku’s breath catches in his throat, and the warm and tingly feeling Kuroo has been spreading through his body since he first discovered his videos intensifies. He feels anticipation, for some reason, and it muddles his brain.

He taps on the notification and quickly texts back,

_‘ok’_

Yaku only counts three seconds before the call connects, and the picture of Kuroo from high school he set for his contact takes over his screen.

He picks up.

“I told you to go to sleep,” he says as all greeting, and Kuroo laughs quietly.

“I’m a college student; I don’t sleep.”

Yaku is wearing his earphones, so Kuroo’s voice sounds closer than it did during their call yesterday. It’s still not the same quality he’s gotten used to, but it still has the back of his neck tingling a little.

“Ha.”

“No, really. I was studying.”

“Then what are you doing calling me?” Yaku asks. “Do what you have to do and stop bugging me.”

“Why’d you say I could call you, then?”

“I…” Yaku starts, but no quick quip comes to mind. The truth is he said okay because he’s fucking weak and stupid, but he’s not going to tell Kuroo that.

“Were you going to sleep?” He asks, obviously smirking, though his voice drops and he paces his words. It sounds like the voice and tempo he uses in his videos, and it’s _nice_.

“It was the idea, yeah,” Yaku answers, his eyes fluttering shut. “Sleep early, get up early.”

“Healthy lifestyle.”

“Yeah. The life of a pro athlete.”

Kuroo chuckles softly.

“A pro athlete, our Yakkun,” he says, he _whispers_ , and Yaku’s heart squeezes in his chest, the shivers that started in the nape of his neck spreading down his spine. “Bet you’re stealing the show.”

Yaku hums, shrugs.

“I’m doing alright.”

“Stolen any hearts yet?” Kuroo asks, and Yaku snorts.

“I can barely speak the language.”

“Bet you can speak it better than Lev.”

“He only knows hello and only because he made me teach him,” he replies, and it makes Kuroo chuckle. “Also, can you please not talk about Lev?

“What do you want me to talk about?”

“Literally anything else,” Yaku says.

“Hmm,” Kuroo hums, and it feels nice. Talking to him like this feels nice, just as nice as his videos, or maybe even nicer even if the quality isn’t that good, because right now it’s just Yaku. “You really like my voice that much, huh?”

Yaku’s stomach flips at that.

“So what if I do?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Kuroo assures him. “I told you I don’t mind if you get off to it, didn’t I?”

“ _Tetsurou—_ “

“Relax, Yakkun.”

“You don’t have to be gross about it.”

“Who’s being gross?” Kuroo says, and he lets a few beats go by before he speaks again. “I… Can I be brutally honest?”

A small part of Yaku wants to say _no, you can’t_ , but an even bigger and louder part of him wants to hear everything Kuroo has to say, weird or gross as it might be.

“Am I going to like what you say?”

“I don’t know, but I hope you do.”

Yaku sighs softly, his hands resting on his abdomen. “What is it?”

“It’s that…” Kuroo starts. Pauses. Yaku hears him taking in a shaky breath, like he’s nervous, but somehow his voice still comes out steady. “The thought of you listening to me is… hot. You know? Since we talked yesterday and you said you knew about my videos, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

Yaku’s heart feels like it’s beating double time, and his cheeks feel like they’re burning underneath his skin.

“If you’d told me about them sooner, we could’ve had this conversation ages ago,” he says almost accusingly, but he hopes he makes it obvious enough that he does like what Kuroo’s saying.

“Sorry,” he tells him in a singsong tone. “It is a bit embarrassing.”

“What’s embarrassing is I listen to them daily.”

“That’s not embarrassing, it’s hot.”

“Me falling asleep to your voice is hot?” Yaku asks, amused but also a little turned on, but Kuroo answers very seriously.

“Yeah. And it’s nice to know I make you feel better when you’re far away. I like that… It makes _me_ feel better about you being far away.”

“So it gets you off that I listen to you, then?” Yaku asks, eyes still closed, always closed as he lets Kuroo’s voice sway him.

“You could say that,” Kuroo replies. “I’d like to… I don’t know. I wanna hear you when you listen to me.”

“You’re hearing me right now,” Yaku says, then he challenges, empowered by the strange eroticism of all of this, whatever it is that’s going on between them. “So, say something to me.”

“I want to touch you,” Kuroo says, and it’s equal parts unexpected and what Yaku wanted to hear.

He gasps, curses under his breath, and his traitorous dick twitches in his pajama shorts.

“If that’s okay,” Kuroo adds like an afterthought, and Yaku wants to yell because this is all so weird but so… nice and hot at the same time.

“I… yeah, it’s okay,” Yaku reassures him, half of his brain too far gone to think anything rational. “You think about that often? About, you know, touching me?”

“Yeah,” Kuroo tells him. “Maybe not that often because. You know. Wishful thinking isn’t healthy. But yesterday’s conversation kinda felt like a green light to me.”

“Good,” Yaku says. “It’s kind of what it was.”

He doesn’t say his realization came recently because he doesn’t think that matters now. What matters is that Kuroo wants him, and he wants Kuroo back too, even if it took him thousands of kilometers and more than two years to realize it.

He licks his lips, presses his hands to the front of his shorts daringly. “Talk to me.”

“Will you,” Kuroo says but he hesitates for a moment before he goes on. “Will you touch yourself for me, Yakkun?”

“Yeah,” he admits, already starting to palm himself through his shorts. “But I want you to do it too.”

“Of course,” Kuroo says, and he laughs softly.

Yaku almost can’t believe he’s pushing his shorts and briefs down and curling his fingers around himself with Kuroo on the other side of a phone call. He’s never done anything like this with anyone before, but it feels good, even if it’s a major plot twist in Yaku’s life.

He hears Kuroo’s ragged breath in his ears, and it’s like a fuel. Kuroo’s voice sounds just like in the videos, velvety and deep and comforting, as he tells him what he wants, what he's been thinking about.

“I want to kiss you, been wanting to for a while,” he says. “Down your neck, too, if you like that.”

Yaku does like that.

He wasn’t fully honest when he avoided the question about stealing hearts, because while he hasn’t gotten involved with anyone because of the cursed language barrier, he has ended up in other men’s beds every now and then. He isn't new to this, and he knows what he likes, so it’s easy to imagine what it would feel like to have Kuroo do those things to him.

“I do, yeah,” he tells him, working himself slowly with his eyes closed, focused on nothing but the sound of Kuroo’s voice. “What else?”

“Demanding, are you?”

“Just a little,” Yaku admits, smiling to himself. It makes Kuroo chuckle lowly into his ears. “ _Fuck_ , your voice.”

“You really like it that much,” Kuroo states, doesn’t ask, and Yaku nods even if Kuroo can’t see him.

“It’s the worst.”

“ _Hey_.”

“I should’ve never found your videos because they fucking ruined me, I hate you for it,” Yaku says.

“I’ll make it up to you, then,” Kuroo tells him, sounding a little breathless. “When we see each other again.”

“That’s months from now,” Yaku almost groans in simultaneous frustration and pleasure at the thought. “But I’ll hold you to it.”

“You better,” Kuroo says.

It’s a bit of a blur afterwards. It’s messy, neither of them very eloquent or familiar with the other’s boundaries, but Kuroo still gets Yaku there with his voice while he jerks off. Just hearing him is enough of a turn on, as is knowing that he’s just as wrecked because of him, touching himself to the thought and the sound of him thousands of kilometers away.

He doesn’t even try to suppress the moan that escapes him when he comes into his fist, and he’s glad he doesn’t because Kuroo follows almost right after, cursing under his breath.

When it’s all done and both Kuroo and Yaku are panting into the phone, struggling to catch their breaths, Yaku waits for embarrassment to come and wash over him like a tsunami wave. It’s gotta happen. Embarrassment, or guilt, or regret — one of those had got to come. He just had the strangest fucking phone sex with Kuroo Tetsurou, after all, so he’s bound to feel weird, but it doesn’t happen. Strangely enough, there is no embarrassment, no guilt, no regret.

Just… he just feels fine. Relaxed. Happy, even.

If anything, he feels weird about the series of events that led to this and how it was all virtual; how they only realized they wanted each other after the other was out of reach. But that’s it.

“Fuck,” Yaku says, and it’s a pointless thing to say, but it kinda sums up how he feels. His hand is dirty and he should get up to wash up so he can go back to bed, but Kuroo is still on the other side. “That was… nice.”

“A great break from studying, yeah,” Kuroo says, and it makes Yaku laugh softly along with him.

He doesn’t sound awkward or embarrassed or regretful, which is comforting.

This was okay.

Weird, unexpected, but okay.

“You can’t blame me if you get a bad grade,” Yaku says into the phone, letting his eyes close again and resting his dirty hand on his stomach. “It was you who called me and started all this.”

“Don’t worry, Yakkun. I take full responsibility.”

“Good,” he hums, feeling cozy now that all the anticipation and want is gone from his system, and maybe, maybe, just a little sad that he’s all by himself. For the millionth time in the past two years he curses the distance that separates him from home.

“Hey, I should go now because I really should get back to this,” Kuroo tells him, sounding genuinely apologetic, and Yaku feels a stupid pang of disappointment. “But,” Kuroo continues, “I wanted to say one more thing, and it’s a little cringy, so brace yourself.”

Yaku hums.

“Alright. Shoot.”

“Okay,” Kuroo starts. “I like you. Obviously.”

Yaku’s heart squeezes in his chest again, feeling warm and tingly and stupid in the best of ways.

“That’s not cringy, and I think I could figure it out without your help,” he says, smiling. “But it’s nice to hear it. I, uh. I like you too. I may have only realized recently, but it still counts, I think.”

“I think it does.”

Yaku’s smile grows a little, and he doesn’t know what demon possesses him, but it makes him say, “I miss you” into the phone.

He’s never been this sappy and gross in his life, but when Kuroo says, “I miss you too,” he feels like maybe sappy and gross isn’t too bad.

  
  
  


A few months later, Yaku is still alone in Ekaterinburg, Russia, but he’s not lonely by any means.

As it turns out, being in a long distance relationship with Kuroo Tetsurou of all people is as weird but as fun as it can get.

Yaku has no clue how relationships work, and although Kuroo has some experience after dating Sawamura for a while, he might as well be a newbie as well. For starters neither of them asked the other to date; Yaku had to ask Kuroo about a month and a half after their first time having phone sex whether they were dating or what, right after their twenty-second sexy conversation.

(Yes, he’d been keeping count).

Kuroo said he’d try to get to Russia by the time the pro-volleyball season kicked off, but sadly he wasn’t able to due to his workload at school. It was a bit disappointing to Yaku, but after the first match was over in Moscow and the Cheegles came out the winner and passed to the next match, he was surprised to find a gigantic bouquet of red flowers waiting for him at the hotel reception sent by a “secret admirer”, a little black cat drawn on the card attached to it.

 _‘could you get any gayer,_ ’ he texts Kuroo, sending a picture of the flowers.

 _‘you’d be surprised, you haven’t even seen my full form yet’,_ Kuroo texts back. _’i’m sorry I couldnt be there.’_

_‘it’s alright, i’ll get my revenge when i get to Tokyo. i already got tickets and i’ll be there for almost two months. that’s plenty of time for revenge, so you better be ready for it’_

_‘it sounds awful, yakkun. do have anything specific in mind?’_

_‘well, actually…’_

They don’t win the season, but they come out third, which is more than amazing, and it gets Yaku plenty of attention and even a few great sponsorship deals. It allows him to buy himself a motorcycle, and also, to send Kuroo a bouquet of flowers that is just as flashy as the one Kuroo sent him for when he passes his final exams, arranged to be delivered right to the student hall of his university.

It’s funny to think that one of the things he’s looking up to the most for when he gets to Japan is kissing his stupid boyfriend for the first time, or that he hasn’t even seen him in person in almost three years now. It’s like they’re all backwards, sexting and having phone sex and sometimes even cam sex, but never having even kissed or held hands or slept in a bed together, but it doesn’t bother Yaku all that much. 

They’ll get to it, eventually. They’ll have time and money for everything they wanna do.

Yaku still listens to Kuroo’s ASMR videos to fall asleep every now and then, because even though Kuroo likes to be there to personally talk him into sleeping (and sometimes into an orgasm), he can’t always do it because time zones and responsibilities exist, but Yaku can’t really complain. He likes Video-Kuroo’s and real Kuroo’s voices the same, and sometimes simply knowing Kuroo’s there on the other side, and that he cares about him and he _likes_ him, even if he’s studying or sleeping, is comforting. It gives him something to look forward to.

When he finally lands in Tokyo after a near nine hour flight, he’s beat.

He couldn’t sleep much on the plane because of how excited he was about finally going home and, yes, about finally seeing Kuroo again. His family told him they’d pick him up at the airport, but Kuroo also said he’d be there, even if it meant skipping class.

“This is kinda more important,” he told Yaku on the phone while he packed his bag the night before the flight, and it made Yaku feel so stupidly warm and fuzzy. He couldn’t wait to get on that plane and get there and devour Kuroo’s fucking mouth so he could never say cheesy things again.

When he finally walks out the arrival gates in Haneda airport, his eyes look around everywhere for his family, and when he finds them and he sees Kuroo’s with them, he feels a little weak on the knees.

He’d forgotten how tall Kuroo was, and how nice his body is, and how stupid his hair is, and fuck, if his mom and dad and brothers weren’t right there, he’d climb him like a tree.

He hugs him last, and they both take their time with it.

It’s weird, like most things are with the two of them.

The last time they hugged was at this very same airport, when Yaku first left for Russia. Back then, the hug was tight but not lingering, and neither of them was afraid to let go. The entire team was there to say goodbye and they all gave him similar hugs, but it feels like eons have passed since then.

This time, Yaku’s heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of his chest just by looking at him.

He stops in front of him, just one step away, and he looks at him up and down, slowly, scanning him and burning his image into his brain.

“Look at you,” is the first thing Kuroo tells him without a computer or a phone between them. He smirks his trademark smirk, but he looks at Yaku with the same contained hunger Yaku feels in his own eyes. His dark eyes study Yaku all the way from his head to his feet, taking him in slowly before letting their eyes meet again. “I think you’ve gotten taller.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Tetsurou. Much less when you’ve turned into a fucking tower yourself,” he smirks right back at Kuroo, his entire body screaming for him to just throw himself into Kuroo’s arms, public decency be damned, but he can’t ignore the presence of his family so nearby, and he’s waiting for them to put a little more distance between them and give him some privacy.

“Can you believe doctors say I still have a few centimeters to go? I might reach 195 when I’m twenty-three.”

“Shut up, that’s not possible,” Yaku says, and it makes Kuroo laugh, but it’s a gentle laughter that sounds almost nervous.

“Yes it is, but hey, look at the bright side. You’ll always have the best seat when we go to concerts.”

Yaku snorts, then shakes his head.

His family is a bit further away, now. Good. At last.

“Are you _seriously_ going to brag about your height all day or are you going to hug me?”

“Jeez, I’m on it. So bossy,” Kuroo complains, rolling his eyes and everything, but then he’s grinning down at Yaku, and it’s not his smirk-y kind of grin.

After that, he doesn’t waste another minute. He takes one step closer to Yaku with his ridiculously long legs, but Yaku meets him halfway, throwing his pride and his shame into the wind and wrapping his arms around Kuroo’s torso. The top of his head only reaches the bottom of Kuroo’s neck, so when Kuroo wraps his own arms around Yaku’s shoulders, he feels completely engulfed by him.

Kuroo is warm, solid even after years of leaving regular volleyball training behind, and he smells so good when he buries his face against his chest for the first time ever, that he could bawl. He loves this, he finds. Kuroo holds him tightly, and Yaku lets himself melt into it and just be held, his own hands curling around Kuroo’s dress shirt.

“Hey, Yakkun,” Kuroo leans down to whisper into his ear, and a shiver goes down his back at once. Nothing, not even the best microphone, could beat this: the feeling of Kuroo’s lips and of his warm breath gusting against his ear before pressing a chaste kiss to it. “Welcome back.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you to everyone who reassured me about this story, and to everyone who read it!
> 
> i love these two so much sobs i really hope they get so much more attention bc they deserve everything
> 
> please let me know your thoughts!
> 
> find me on twitter @ bichenoya ❣️


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